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Melissa Axel's "Quirkiest goals on 43T"

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Thanks to cranberrygoddess for posting this hysterical list. I’m adopting it too to help spread the word – and the laughter…

cranberry goddess says: "There are so many goals where you look at it and think, I really want to pick that, but I am never seriously going to do it, and I have no more room left on my 43T list, so I figure, why not put them all together in a list so i at least feel satisfied that I have acknowledged their brilliance.

Let me know if you have any good ones that I can add to the list."

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1.

I want to dress up like a pirate, hijack a galleon, and board cruise ships without permission. I won't steal anything -- just make the passengers drink rum and wake up wondering if the night before really happened...

2.

receive a letter from Hogwarts apologizing for the late owl but informing me that i am actually a wizard.

3.

pull a prank involving 100 lawn gnomes

4.

skip to class in the morning while the world explodes around me in a plethora of beautiful sonic explosions caused by the collision of multiple strings of space-time after a comet strikes the pope

5.

walk 500 miles, and walk 500 more, just to be the man who walked 1000 miles.

6.

take a brisk walk into a raging firestorm, and come out the other side purified

7.

I want to be someone or see someone taking a break from eating rolls to roll a joint while they roll while drinking a rolling rock while listening to rock and roll in a rolls thats rolling through some rolling hills

8.

marry the guy that invented ROLL-UPS so he can make me roll-ups n our house will be made out of ROLL-UPs

9.

jingle my toes as I slowly jog down the boardwalk, bowling over the penniless beggar monkeys whose wretched existence reminds me of my own tortured past as a sidewalk musician in Kalamazoo, where I played trumpet and harmonica simultaneously

10.

become so jaded and bitter that I drop out of society to live in the wilderness in a timber hut while tending to abstract mathematical theorems, the "MANIFESTO" and have conversations with the ghosts of dead 80's hair metal acts.

11.

Quit thinking I think too much and embrace my thought process

12.

quit having abstract thoughts

13.

quickly split an infinitive

14.

beat someone to death with a can of peas

15.

beat to death with one of their own limbs the first person who suggests it should really be called the 'Báthory Erzsébet Spa & Beauty Retreat'

16.

beat a mouse to death with licorice

17.

live vicariously through Joel

18.

run through the halls of my high school, while Joel screams at the top of his lungs

19.

have Joel's demon love child

20.

fight for civil lefts

21.

get drunk in an old irish pub and a scotish pub to see which gets me more drunk

22.

cause the apocalypse by accident; preferably one involving some sort of unique confectionary concoction and a menagerie of animals

23.

cause a zombie apocalypse

24.

find someone foreign to eat with food

25.

Appear in an Editorial cartoon using the President as a wooden dummy puppet while the President uses a judge as a puppet himself

26.

write a song about keyboards, clowns, and murderous presidents with telepathic sock puppets

27.

spontaneously combust

28.

be less spontaneous

29.

concoct witty comments on Joel's away messages

30.

concoct a plan of world domination

31.

Learn to tie a maraschino cherry stem with my tongue

32.

Be a Jedi Master

33.

Have an underground lair

34.

go to Las Vegas and become a minister of a wedding chapel dressed up like a flying Elvis and marry drunk people with a pink flamingo on a leash by my side

35.

be promoted to my level of incompetence where I will choke the remaining morale out of my workplace and brown nose my gold plated overlord bosses at every chance I can get all while making my minions toil away for a pittance in their cubicle salt mines.

36.

have my own minions, underlings, lackies, toadies, yes-men, or zombies

37.

ride an ostrich

38.

visit every state except Iowa

39.

pull a prank involving a kiddie pool full of pudding

40.

purchase guam

41.

Go on a monopoly board pub crawl

42.

be under the sea in an octopus' garden

43.

skydive in my underwear

44.

Shrink Texas.

45.

annoy an albatross

46.

be a pink plastic flamingo for a day

47.

barbecue a dinosaur

48.

resurrect dinosaurs into the modern era so I can satisfy my curiosity about who would win between dinosaurs and tanks in a battle on the field of honor.

49.

fax cheese

50.

train a monkey to run around in circles in exchange for cheese, and use it to power a cheese-making machine

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This is Melissa Axel's list. Only Melissa Axel can edit it. You can make your own version of this list.

Created by Melissa Axel on Jul 19, 2006.

Comments

cranberrygoddess

Untitled — 5 years ago

Nice work spreading the quirk!

Jul 30, 04:59PM | 0 comments | Reply to this