All of the Goals you Refused to Add Because They Were Unrealisitic, Yet Every Day you Regret not Adding Them.

1. 1. become calm and tranquil like a buddhist monk meditating at Lake Placid and when people aren't expecting it *BAM!* I'll turn into a supersized ferocious crocodile and eat them. Drag me to re-order

2. 2. become so jaded and bitter that I drop out of society to live in the wilderness in a timber hut while tending to abstract mathematical theorems, the "MANIFESTO" and have conversations with the ghosts of dead 80's hair metal acts. Drag me to re-order

3. 3. Invent a time machine, go back and invent said time machine yesterday so I have time machine right now Drag me to re-order

4. 4. climb mount everest and at the summit wail on a guitar to a 80's hair metal act like Van Halen or Dokken while fighter jets fly over streaming the stars and stripes and bigfoot trucks driven by swimsuit models climb up the mountain. Drag me to re-order

5. 5. discourse on the supercalifragilisticexpialidociously awful aspects of 19th Century Antidisestablishmentarianism and its adverse impact on modern British society Drag me to re-order

6. 6. engage in spirited discourse regarding the “touchy” issues with the eventual goal of restoring balance to a nation about to topple off the edge of logic and into sheer insanity Drag me to re-order

7. 7. hold a party involving 500 loyal followers and a truckload of kool aid before discarding our human containers to ride a comet to heaven Drag me to re-order

8. 8. make my keyboard and mouse have sex thus making some form of freaky new computer paraphernalia which I shall give the German sounding name of kouse or von meboard. Drag me to re-order

9. 9. devour a bottle of Adrenochrome and wake up in a flooded hotel room with a dinosaur tail strapped to my butt, a recorder on my chest, drug paraphenalia floating across the room and a six-shooter in the toilet. Drag me to re-order

10. 10. Buy strange animals, put them in the living room and then deny knowing about how they got there when questioned by my roommates Drag me to re-order

11. 11. aggravate a yak Drag me to re-order

12. 12. camp out in cranberry bogs Drag me to re-order

13. 13. I want to dress up like a pirate, hijack a galleon, and board cruise ships without permission. I won't steal anything -- just make the passengers drink rum and wake up wondering if the night before really happened... Drag me to re-order

14. 14. Remind all those stuck-up,mean-spirited,haute couture-hypnotized,frozen-beauties that they're just walking mini-oceans with oily chunks of tissue supported by rickety calcium rods that are wrapped up in a semi-permeable,UV resistant membrane. Drag me to re-order

15. 15. run through an Amish village naked covered with nintendo controllers, xmas lights and an Ipod buttplug all while screaming "IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN, IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN." Drag me to re-order

16. 16. show my former diocese priest a series of disturbing vacation slides showing my descent from good wholesome catholic boy to a perverse gap-toothed maniac intent on turning my house into an exact replica of a Cluedo board with candlestick furnishings. Drag me to re-order

17. 17. I want to be someone or see someone taking a break from eating rolls to roll a joint while they roll while drinking a rolling rock while listening to rock and roll in a rolls thats rolling through some rolling hills Drag me to re-order

18. 18. skip to class in the morning while the world explodes around me in a plethora of beautiful sonic explosions caused by the collision of multiple strings of space-time after a comet strikes the pope Drag me to re-order

19. 19. unite pirates and ninjas Drag me to re-order

20. 20. fight an evil killer robot ninja monkey and his legion of super mutant zombie monkeys, with the help of my friend, future eddee and his trusty sidekick, nacho the super duper donkey Drag me to re-order

21. 21. find myself on the planet Ogo, part of an intellectual elite preparing to subjugate the barbarian hordes on Pluto...more often Drag me to re-order

22. 22. I wanna ride my harley on planet pluto beneath flying unicorns and aliens drunk on vodka Drag me to re-order

23. 23. drink that purp, or sizzurp Drag me to re-order

24. 24. find my glorious image on a piece of toast, sell it on ebay for a grand sum of money, donate the proceeds to my favorite charity Drag me to re-order

25. 25. Sell my soul for an outrageous sum of money, then buy it back cheaply and make a huge profit Drag me to re-order

26. 26. go to a drunken party, but not be drunk. Maybe have a buzz but let the drunk people entertain me, like TV Drag me to re-order

27. 27. Create an army of cybernetically enhanced warriors mounted on giant armored chickens Drag me to re-order

28. 28. paint a tasteful portrait of Christ on a bike Drag me to re-order

29. 29. celebrate my David Lynch-themed birthday, and ensuing quarter life train wreck, by violently purging my stomach lining and destroying any sense of decency I once had by snorting cocaine off a backward-speaking midget’s back Drag me to re-order

30. 30. watch Ronald McDonald and the Burger King have a fist fight. Drag me to re-order

31. 31. see a leopard fight a oyster Drag me to re-order

32. 32. see a priest fight a wizard Drag me to re-order

33. 33. fill all my bodily orafaces with tobacco and limes Drag me to re-order

34. 34. enjoy colonic irrigation with judith chalmers Drag me to re-order

35. 35. make one super-vegetable that contains all other vegetables until there are no more vegetables but my vegetable and i shall take over the world with my vegetable Drag me to re-order