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abbeynormal's "Goals that make me LAUGH"

I’ve come across some seriously funny, outrageous, crazy, ridiculous, and thought-provoking goals on 43things… , but that I would seriously adopt if I thought that they were possible… Which some of them ARE.

This is where I’ll list them!

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1. climb mount everest and at the summit wail on a guitar to a 80's hair metal act like Van Halen or Dokken while fighter jets fly over streaming the stars and stripes and bigfoot trucks driven by swimsuit models climb up the mountain. 12 people  
2. make one super-vegetable that contains all other vegetables until there are no more vegetables but my vegetable and i shall take over the world with my vegetable 5 people  
3. make peace with vegetables 1 person  
4. enjoy colonic irrigation with judith chalmers 2 people  
5. fill all my bodily orafaces with tobacco and limes 2 people  
6. see a leopard fight a oyster 3 people  
7. see a priest fight a wizard 2 people  
8. watch Ronald McDonald and the Burger King have a fist fight. 5 people  
9. celebrate my David Lynch-themed birthday, and ensuing quarter life train wreck, by violently purging my stomach lining and destroying any sense of decency I once had by snorting cocaine off a backward-speaking midget’s back 3 people  
10. paint a tasteful portrait of Christ on a bike 2 people  
11. Create an army of cybernetically enhanced warriors mounted on giant armored chickens 19 people  
12. go to a drunken party, but not be drunk. Maybe have a buzz but let the drunk people entertain me, like TV 2 people  
13. find my glorious image on a piece of toast, sell it on ebay for a grand sum of money, donate the proceeds to my favorite charity 4 people  
14. Sell my soul for an outrageous sum of money, then buy it back cheaply and make a huge profit 1 person  
15. drink that purp, or sizzurp 2 people  
16. find myself on the planet Ogo, part of an intellectual elite preparing to subjugate the barbarian hordes on Pluto...more often 2 people  
17. I wanna ride my harley on planet pluto beneath flying unicorns and aliens drunk on vodka 2 people  
18. fight an evil killer robot ninja monkey and his legion of super mutant zombie monkeys, with the help of my friend, future eddee and his trusty sidekick, nacho the super duper donkey on vodka  
19. unite pirates and ninjas 3 people  
20. lasso a fly with a string, then let it fly around attached to my string leash 7 people  
21. skip to class in the morning while the world explodes around me in a plethora of beautiful sonic explosions caused by the collision of multiple strings of space-time after a comet strikes the pope 5 people  
22. I want to be someone or see someone taking a break from eating rolls to roll a joint while they roll while drinking a rolling rock while listening to rock and roll in a rolls thats rolling through some rolling hills 3 people  
23. show my former diocese priest a series of disturbing vacation slides showing my descent from good wholesome catholic boy to a perverse gap-toothed maniac intent on turning my house into an exact replica of a Cluedo board with candlestick furnishings. 1 person  
24. experience everything and write it all down as it happens. Best book ever! 2 people  
25. run through an Amish village naked covered with nintendo controllers, xmas lights and an Ipod buttplug all while screaming "IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN, IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN." 13 people  
26. Remind all those stuck-up,mean-spirited,haute couture-hypnotized,frozen-beauties that they're just walking mini-oceans with oily chunks of tissue supported by rickety calcium rods that are wrapped up in a semi-permeable,UV resistant membrane. 1 person  
27. I want to dress up like a pirate, hijack a galleon, and board cruise ships without permission. I won't steal anything -- just make the passengers drink rum and wake up wondering if the night before really happened... 319 people  
28. aggravate a yak 5 people  
29. Tickle the Pope 2 people  
30. Buy strange animals, put them in the living room and then deny knowing about how they got there when questioned by my roommates 18 people  
31. gather all the animal rights protesters in the world, put them in a room and gradually increase the pressure until they explode  
32. Zero in on my customers having a bad day, take them aside and ask them what sort of hand gesture they might make to show how they feel, and see if they will do it  
33. devour a bottle of Adrenochrome and wake up in a flooded hotel room with a dinosaur tail strapped to my butt, a recorder on my chest, drug paraphenalia floating across the room and a six-shooter in the toilet. 3 people  
34. make my keyboard and mouse have sex thus making some form of freaky new computer paraphernalia which I shall give the German sounding name of kouse or von meboard. 3 people  
35. revise enemies list, make up with any adversaries I have failed to vanquish thus far 1 person  
36. hold a party involving 500 loyal followers and a truckload of kool aid before discarding our human containers to ride a comet to heaven 6 people  
37. duplicate exactly the jim jones kool-aid massacre using only midgets and jager shots  
38. Invent a time machine, go back and invent said time machine yesterday so I have time machine right now 8 people  
39. Invent a time machine by accident 3 people  
40. have hair so radical it makes corporate dicks shrivel  
41. bend my mind with a spoon 1 person  
42. run with spoons 1 person  
43. be cryogenically stored until death is cured 4 people  
44. Cryogenically freeze myself until someone invents a time machine so i can go back in time to warn myself that it is too cold being cryogenically frozen.  
45. cover myself in double-sided tape and catapult myself at the whitehouse 1 person  
46. create the nexus for Smurf erotica on the internet 3 people  
47. become calm and tranquil like a buddhist monk meditating at Lake Placid and when people aren't expecting it *BAM!* I'll turn into a supersized ferocious crocodile and eat them. 9 people  
48. become so jaded and bitter that I drop out of society to live in the wilderness in a timber hut while tending to abstract mathematical theorems, the "MANIFESTO" and have conversations with the ghosts of dead 80's hair metal acts. 34 people  
49. Create "Internet: the musical" 1 person  
50. build a village for midgets to live in with mice dressed up as tiny people so they can pretend to be giants 1 person  
This is abbeynormal's list. Only abbeynormal can edit it. You can make your own version of this list.
Created by abbeynormal on Aug 28, 2006.