Jarod Kintz's "More "I wants""

I want to be able to fit in a backpack, so I could work closely with students.

I want to make love to all the truly beautiful women on the world. All fourteen of them, mother not included.

I want a hearing aid small enough to fit in a children’s booster seat.

I want to go to a boxing match and cheer for the underdog, who can’t cheer for himself, because he has no arms.

I want a life as complete as a puzzle, and prior to achieving this, I want to spend all my time in a box.

I want a blonde wig made out of American cheese, so I could turn my tanning bed into a human toaster.

I want big toes for parents, so we wouldn’t be cut off anymore.

I want a dance floor for a face, so people could tap dance on my forehead.

I want a punching bag for a penis, so I could beat it in the gym.

I want to find a beached whale and build a sand castle around it, to protect it from invaders from the sea.