ggcolumn's "ggcolumn's "Some of My Favorite Made Up Blurbs from My Parody Blog that Lampoons Larry King's Old USA Today Column at http://www.larryzeiger.blogspot.com""

1. 1. Barry Bonds tells me that, in addition to steroids, he also takes 12 Flintstones Vitamins daily. The Wilmas only Drag me to re-order

2. 2. You know the pawn shop is top-notch if the counter guy is wearing a top hat and tuxedo with tails Drag me to re-order

3. 3. Hoping to "expand his range," Freewilly has signed a three picture deal with Paramount for non-dolphin roles Drag me to re-order

4. 4. Don't bother renting that movie "The Astronaut Farmer." He goes to Jupiter to get seeds for some kind of space corn and runs out of gas on the way back Drag me to re-order

5. 5. Kudos to Meryl Streep for signing up to play the lead in Dee Snider's "Strangeland 2" without looking at the script Drag me to re-order

6. 6. Maybe she was kidding, but Vanna White showed up at my recent garage sale and asked if I had any used vowels for sale Drag me to re-order

7. 7. Joaquin Phoenix: Is that a thing or a person? Drag me to re-order

8. 8. Whenever I run into the ageless Ellen Burstyn, she begs me to buy her a pony Drag me to re-order

9. 9. You know what would make a dandy movie? Michael Des Barres' Wikipedia entry, that's what Drag me to re-order

10. 10. According to my wife, I frequently sing the entire soundtrack of "Bugsy Malone" in my sleep Drag me to re-order

11. 11. Hoping to expand their concept, the gang at NBC's "Dateline" will move their "To Catch a Predator" sting to the skies; Future installments will focus on people trying to join "The Mile High Club" while flying on Virgin Airlines Drag me to re-order

12. 12. I could swear that Mr. Peanut mascot thingy is peeking in my windows at night Drag me to re-order

13. 13. Friends have been scolding rocker Eddie Money for wasting days at a time online desperately searching sites like Travelocity and Priceline for the cheapest possible set of two tickets to Paradise Drag me to re-order

14. 14. Tori Amos' next release will be a double album containing two solid hours of her having a seizure Drag me to re-order

15. 15. I wish that The History Channel would be less about the "History" and more about the "Channel" Drag me to re-order

16. 16. Dr. Dre has confided to pals that he's growing disappointed that Tom Bosley has yet to take him fishing some weekend, as promised Drag me to re-order

17. 17. Congrats to Joan Cusack on her victory in the latest edition of VH-1's "Flava of Love" program Drag me to re-order

18. 18. Memo to Richard Greico: You are the wind beneath my wings Drag me to re-order

19. 19. What in the hell was Sylvia Plath's problem? Drag me to re-order

20. 20. Haven't we all had enough of Thanksgiving already? I think we've expressed enough gratitude, gang Drag me to re-order

21. 21. My spies are telling me that Fox News Channel is axing all of its human news anchors and replacing them with claymation figurines Drag me to re-order

22. 22. If Calgon takes me away, call the police if I fail to return within 20 minutes Drag me to re-order

23. 23. Frankie Valli is the world's foremost collector of diabetic testing kits Drag me to re-order

24. 24. History's greatest tragedy is that Shakepeare never lived to see the remote control Drag me to re-order

25. 25. You look up the word “Sexy” in the dictionary, you get a picture of Faye Dunaway from the movie “Barfly” Drag me to re-order

26. 26. I had a nightmare last night where that bird tattoo on Aaron Neville’s face came to life and pecked my eyes out Drag me to re-order

27. 27. For his next documentary feature, Morgan Spurlock will spend a month eating nothing but stuff he finds in Peter Falk's garbage Drag me to re-order

28. 28. You want sexy, you want a naked Marsha Mason puttering along on a Segway Drag me to re-order

29. 29. To "spice thing up," I hear the gang at MTV are adding Fran Leibowitz to the cast of "Laguna Beach" Drag me to re-order

30. 30. Memo to Pink: Get this party started. C'mon, I got places to go Drag me to re-order