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ggcolumn's "ggcolumn's "Some of My Favorite Made Up Blurbs from My Parody Blog that Lampoons Larry King's Old USA Today Column at http://www.larryzeiger.blogspot.com""

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Barry Bonds tells me that, in addition to steroids, he also takes 12 Flintstones Vitamins daily. The Wilmas only

You know the pawn shop is top-notch if the counter guy is wearing a top hat and tuxedo with tails

Hoping to "expand his range," Freewilly has signed a three picture deal with Paramount for non-dolphin roles

Don't bother renting that movie "The Astronaut Farmer." He goes to Jupiter to get seeds for some kind of space corn and runs out of gas on the way back

Kudos to Meryl Streep for signing up to play the lead in Dee Snider's "Strangeland 2" without looking at the script

Maybe she was kidding, but Vanna White showed up at my recent garage sale and asked if I had any used vowels for sale

Joaquin Phoenix: Is that a thing or a person?

Whenever I run into the ageless Ellen Burstyn, she begs me to buy her a pony

You know what would make a dandy movie? Michael Des Barres' Wikipedia entry, that's what

10.

According to my wife, I frequently sing the entire soundtrack of "Bugsy Malone" in my sleep

11.

Hoping to expand their concept, the gang at NBC's "Dateline" will move their "To Catch a Predator" sting to the skies; Future installments will focus on people trying to join "The Mile High Club" while flying on Virgin Airlines

12.

I could swear that Mr. Peanut mascot thingy is peeking in my windows at night

13.

Friends have been scolding rocker Eddie Money for wasting days at a time online desperately searching sites like Travelocity and Priceline for the cheapest possible set of two tickets to Paradise

14.

Tori Amos' next release will be a double album containing two solid hours of her having a seizure

15.

I wish that The History Channel would be less about the "History" and more about the "Channel"

16.

Dr. Dre has confided to pals that he's growing disappointed that Tom Bosley has yet to take him fishing some weekend, as promised

17.

Congrats to Joan Cusack on her victory in the latest edition of VH-1's "Flava of Love" program

18.

Memo to Richard Greico: You are the wind beneath my wings

19.

What in the hell was Sylvia Plath's problem?

20.

Haven't we all had enough of Thanksgiving already? I think we've expressed enough gratitude, gang

21.

My spies are telling me that Fox News Channel is axing all of its human news anchors and replacing them with claymation figurines

22.

If Calgon takes me away, call the police if I fail to return within 20 minutes

23.

Frankie Valli is the world's foremost collector of diabetic testing kits

24.

History's greatest tragedy is that Shakepeare never lived to see the remote control

25.

You look up the word “Sexy” in the dictionary, you get a picture of Faye Dunaway from the movie “Barfly”

26.

I had a nightmare last night where that bird tattoo on Aaron Neville’s face came to life and pecked my eyes out

27.

For his next documentary feature, Morgan Spurlock will spend a month eating nothing but stuff he finds in Peter Falk's garbage

28.

You want sexy, you want a naked Marsha Mason puttering along on a Segway

29.

To "spice thing up," I hear the gang at MTV are adding Fran Leibowitz to the cast of "Laguna Beach"

30.

Memo to Pink: Get this party started. C'mon, I got places to go

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Created by ggcolumn on Oct 25, 2007.