Jennifer's "1,000 Horrible Things"

1. 1. crash a car Drag me to re-order

2. 2. witness a car crash Drag me to re-order

3. 3. get bitten by a snake Drag me to re-order

4. 4. break my arm Drag me to re-order

5. 5. break a leg Drag me to re-order

6. 6. have my leg amputated then have a wooden peg leg Drag me to re-order

7. 7. heart attack Drag me to re-order

8. 8. get divorced Drag me to re-order

9. 9. get addicted Drag me to re-order

10. 10. GET ROBBED Drag me to re-order

11. 11. get fired Drag me to re-order

12. 12. be on fire Drag me to re-order

13. 13. Be shot Drag me to re-order

14. 14. Fight a bear. Drag me to re-order

15. 15. eat poop Drag me to re-order

16. 16. poop in my pants Drag me to re-order

17. 17. pee my pants Drag me to re-order

18. 18. have a hangover Drag me to re-order

19. 19. get my heart broken Drag me to re-order

20. 20. cancer Drag me to re-order

21. 21. contract hiv Drag me to re-order

22. 22. paralyzed Drag me to re-order

23. 23. identity theft Drag me to re-order

24. 24. carjacked Drag me to re-order

25. 25. emotional abuse Drag me to re-order

26. 26. Be hurt. Drag me to re-order

27. 27. unwanted pregnancy Drag me to re-order

28. 28. get aids Drag me to re-order

29. 29. incest Drag me to re-order

30. 30. be sad Drag me to re-order

31. 31. Be Depressed Drag me to re-order

32. 32. hurt my neck moshing Drag me to re-order

33. 33. get arrested Drag me to re-order

34. 34. spend a nite in jail Drag me to re-order

35. 35. plane crash Drag me to re-order

36. 36. drown in a pool of jello Drag me to re-order

37. 37. drown Drag me to re-order

38. 38. eat at 'the stinking rose; a garlic restaurant' Drag me to re-order

39. 39. Sit next to a baby on a plane Drag me to re-order

40. 40. be stuck in the middle seat on a plane Drag me to re-order

41. 41. get stuck in Lodi Drag me to re-order

42. 42. get bitten by a bear Drag me to re-order

43. 43. get bitten by a dog Drag me to re-order

44. 44. get evicted Drag me to re-order

45. 45. have your feelings hurt Drag me to re-order

46. 46. have the person you love break up with you Drag me to re-order

47. 47. break up with the person you love Drag me to re-order

48. 48. be in a bank when it is robbed Drag me to re-order

49. 49. have a gun pointed at you Drag me to re-order

50. 50. be teased until you cry Drag me to re-order

51. 51. tease someone until they cry Drag me to re-order

52. 52. lose something expensive or meaningful Drag me to re-order

53. 53. live with someone you hate Drag me to re-order

54. 54. hemorrhoids Drag me to re-order

55. 55. diarrhea Drag me to re-order

56. 56. food poisoning Drag me to re-order

57. 57. break your neck Drag me to re-order

58. 58. get snowed in at the airport Drag me to re-order

59. 59. tsunami Drag me to re-order

60. 60. Be in an earthquake Drag me to re-order

61. 61. be in a traffic jam Drag me to re-order

62. 62. foot blisters Drag me to re-order

63. 63. Fail a test you actually studied for Drag me to re-order

64. 64. be dumped Drag me to re-order

65. 65. get an STD Drag me to re-order

66. 66. Buy bum drugs Drag me to re-order

67. 67. become blind Drag me to re-order

68. 68. be blind and half deaf Drag me to re-order

69. 69. be a hippie Drag me to re-order

70. 70. Go to Texas Drag me to re-order

71. 71. Get mauled by a mountain lion Drag me to re-order

72. 72. frostbite Drag me to re-order

73. 73. fall down a flight of steps Drag me to re-order

74. 74. Accidentally breathe in the air escaping from a dog's anus Drag me to re-order

75. 75. breathe in the fumes of a camel's anus Drag me to re-order

76. 76. think fart is air and breathe it Drag me to re-order

77. 77. have someone call you "fatty" Drag me to re-order

78. 78. anaphylactic shock Drag me to re-order

79. 79. Electrical shock Drag me to re-order

80. 80. Get stabbed Drag me to re-order

81. 81. Get "pressed" on a train in Japan Drag me to re-order

82. 82. Outlive your child Drag me to re-order

83. 83. bank fraud perpetrated on your account Drag me to re-order

84. 84. get a speeding ticket Drag me to re-order

85. 85. get a speeding ticket in all fifty states Drag me to re-order

86. 86. computer virus Drag me to re-order

87. 87. get your computer hacked Drag me to re-order

88. 88. bad haircut Drag me to re-order

89. 89. pimples/zits Drag me to re-order

90. 90. paper cut Drag me to re-order

91. 91. hang nails Drag me to re-order

92. 92. get poked in the eye with a spear of asparagus Drag me to re-order

93. 93. choking and being unable to breathe Drag me to re-order

94. 94. get sick right before a planned vacation Drag me to re-order

95. 95. Be broke Drag me to re-order

96. 96. Wake up to someone and immediately regret whatever you did last night Drag me to re-order

97. 97. cut one of my fingers off Drag me to re-order

98. 98. cut off my head Drag me to re-order

99. 99. cut off a finger Drag me to re-order

100. 100. Get cut off on the highway Drag me to re-order

101. 101. Spend $10 to see a horrible movie Drag me to re-order

102. 102. zit on the nose Drag me to re-order

103. 103. Hair in your food Drag me to re-order

104. 104. Drink a glass of milk then realize the milk is lumpy Drag me to re-order

105. 105. Taxi-jacked in Mexico City Drag me to re-order

106. 106. Attacked by monkeys in Indonesia Drag me to re-order

107. 107. Liver disease Drag me to re-order

108. 108. Aneurysm Drag me to re-order

109. 109. be anorexic Drag me to re-order

110. 110. be bulimic Drag me to re-order

111. 111. be obese Drag me to re-order

112. 112. Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus Drag me to re-order

113. 113. open a can of green beans, remove the green beans, and drink the juice Drag me to re-order

114. 114. Be retro. Drag me to re-order

115. 115. Be cheated on Drag me to re-order

116. 116. Be on a sinking boat Drag me to re-order

117. 117. go skinny-dipping during a red tide Drag me to re-order

118. 118. Get caught in a rip tide Drag me to re-order

119. 119. experience amnesia Drag me to re-order

120. 120. Migraine headaches Drag me to re-order

121. 121. Drop a contact lens on the floor Drag me to re-order

122. 122. decapitation Drag me to re-order

123. 123. Drop a ring in the movie theater while the movie is showing and hear it roll down under the seats to God knows where Drag me to re-order

124. 124. Be attacked by a shark Drag me to re-order

125. 125. Splinters Drag me to re-order

126. 126. Splinters under the nail Drag me to re-order

127. 127. meet barbra streisand Drag me to re-order

128. 128. be caught in a storm at sea Drag me to re-order

129. 129. Get caught in a cyclone Drag me to re-order

130. 130. Be caught naked by someone who really shouldn't be seeing you naked Drag me to re-order

131. 131. experience a hurricane Drag me to re-order

132. 132. Get caught by your roommate and her boyfriend when you are inserting a tampon while standing naked in the middle of your dorm room. Drag me to re-order

133. 133. Throw up on a guy while engaging in fellatio Drag me to re-order

134. 134. Be stalked Drag me to re-order

135. 135. Find out your baby is actually a really small voyeur Drag me to re-order

136. 136. yeah well my dad does drink and my parents got a divorce so stop your wining i saw them fight and it was violent i lost my dog because of it so shut-up at least your parents are still together you big whiner Drag me to re-order

137. 137. Getting thrown out of the house by your parents Drag me to re-order

138. 138. Being forced to hang out with your mother's/father's new "friend" Drag me to re-order

139. 139. Drop something in the toilet and have to fish it out Drag me to re-order

140. 140. Drop something in a public toilet and have to fish it out Drag me to re-order

141. 141. Toilet back splash Drag me to re-order

142. 142. stub your toe Drag me to re-order

143. 143. ingrown toenail Drag me to re-order

144. 144. fungus under the toe nail Drag me to re-order

145. 145. Get humped by a dog Drag me to re-order

146. 146. Pills stuck in your throat Drag me to re-order

147. 147. Be stuck with a crazy homeless person in the train on your commute home Drag me to re-order

148. 148. Experience being homeless Drag me to re-order

149. 149. Get stung by Africanized bees. Drag me to re-order

150. 150. Get stung by a sting ray Drag me to re-order

151. 151. wear a frilly poet's shirt Drag me to re-order

152. 152. Get lost in the desert Drag me to re-order

153. 153. become an alcoholic Drag me to re-order

154. 154. live in los angeles Drag me to re-order

155. 155. have season tickets to the Los Angeles Angels baseball club. Drag me to re-order

156. 156. Drive on the wrong side of the road Drag me to re-order

157. 157. drive across the plains at night in a plains fog and be unable to see the road, then a truck goes by and you realize you were driving on the wrong side of the highway Drag me to re-order

158. 158. jump off a bridge Drag me to re-order

159. 159. fall off of a bridge Drag me to re-order

160. 160. I want my baby back baby back baby back ribs.I want my baby back baby back ribs baby back ribs. I want my baby back baby back baby back ribs. Chillis..barbeque sauce Drag me to re-order

161. 161. drop a baby Drag me to re-order

162. 162. do the YMCA dance at a wedding Drag me to re-order

163. 163. Go to a wedding with a cash bar Drag me to re-order

164. 164. Have socks that continuously slip down your ankles and under your heels while you are walking Drag me to re-order

165. 165. spill tea on my keyboard Drag me to re-order

166. 166. Buy a beer at the ballgame, then trip on the stairs going back to your seat and spill the whole beer on your shoes Drag me to re-order

167. 167. Go to DMV Drag me to re-order

168. 168. lose your driver's license Drag me to re-order

169. 169. Pay my taxes Drag me to re-order

170. 170. drop a mirror Drag me to re-order

171. 171. Turn up the music in your headphones real loud because of a quiet song then the next song blasts into your ears at 180 decibels Drag me to re-order

172. 172. Accidentally erase something you REALLY shouldn't have erased Drag me to re-order

173. 173. sleep with your grandmother Drag me to re-order

174. 174. remember the formula for that cancer cure I came up with in 1984 and accidentally threw out with the pizza box. Drag me to re-order

175. 175. accidentally sleep with your boss Drag me to re-order

176. 176. Biting your tongue while you are trying to eat Drag me to re-order

177. 177. Do a shot of a crackwhore's spinal fluids. Drag me to re-order

178. 178. spinal cord issues Drag me to re-order

179. 179. Crick in the neck Drag me to re-order

180. 180. Gored by a bull in Pamplona Drag me to re-order

181. 181. Groped by an old man in Sicily Drag me to re-order

182. 182. Tormented by the laughter of small children in China Drag me to re-order

183. 183. Become Ozzy Osbourne Drag me to re-order

184. 184. stomach flu Drag me to re-order

185. 185. chicken pox Drag me to re-order

186. 186. have the chicken pox as an adult Drag me to re-order

187. 187. take one of my eyes out but leave the nerve attached and look into my other eye with it Drag me to re-order

188. 188. Have the evil eye cast upon you Drag me to re-order

189. 189. Wave at someone because you think they're waving at you, only to find out that they are waving at someone behind you Drag me to re-order

190. 190. I have been to the parts of Detroit you don't go to and walked the streets alone at 6am. Drag me to re-order

191. 191. Fart while you are walking down the street, then have someone swiftly walk past you and realize they were right behind you Drag me to re-order

192. 192. burn dinner Drag me to re-order

193. 193. burn breakfast Drag me to re-order

194. 194. burn water Drag me to re-order

195. 195. French kiss a smoker Drag me to re-order

196. 196. lose my money to a prostitute Drag me to re-order

197. 197. Lose a big wad of cash Drag me to re-order

198. 198. get into outnumbered fistfight, lose big Drag me to re-order

199. 199. Pour a big bowl of cereal, get your spoon, and the paper and pour orange juice then grab the milk and realize there is no milk and you are not having cereal this morning, not at all Drag me to re-order

200. 200. Be a snob Drag me to re-order

201. 201. Be forced to hang out with a snob just because you are related to them Drag me to re-order

202. 202. Eat hominy Drag me to re-order

203. 203. know why I have ghost and demons (they'resolid black blob. in my bedroom? I've told them to go to the light.I've commanded them in the name of Jesus Christ to leave,but they won't.What do they want ? And why are they in my bedroom? I think my neice rrough Drag me to re-order

204. 204. Have your relatives in from out of town then after they leave realize that they stole stuff out of your room Drag me to re-order

205. 205. get an exorcism Drag me to re-order

206. 206. Become possessed Drag me to re-order

207. 207. Be a yuppie Drag me to re-order

208. 208. To live like a hippie as a modern day yuppie Drag me to re-order

209. 209. Listen to Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" on repeat for eight hours Drag me to re-order

210. 210. Wake up looking like a character from Dark Crystal Drag me to re-order

211. 211. bad acid Drag me to re-order

212. 212. weed paranoia Drag me to re-order

213. 213. get a sunburn Drag me to re-order

214. 214. water in the ear Drag me to re-order

215. 215. have a cold shower Drag me to re-order

216. 216. wet socks Drag me to re-order

217. 217. Look for your keys for an hour then realize they're in your hand Drag me to re-order

218. 218. recluse spider bite Drag me to re-order

219. 219. You just need to staple ONE THING and there aren't any staples in the stapler, in the drawer, in the entire DAMNED house and you're running late and now your day is shot to hell Drag me to re-order

220. 220. genital warts Drag me to re-order

221. 221. spread awareness of herpes Drag me to re-order

222. 222. Accidentally drink the beer with the cigarette butts in it Drag me to re-order

223. 223. Lose every channel on your television except for the Home Shopping Network Drag me to re-order

224. 224. Improve my Contact Juggling and start a juggling club in W. Anaheim, CA. Drag me to re-order

225. 225. have insomnia Drag me to re-order

226. 226. have nightmares Drag me to re-order

227. 227. Smoke the wrong end of a lit cigarette Drag me to re-order

228. 228. be abducted by aliens Drag me to re-order

229. 229. be abducted Drag me to re-order

230. 230. Get abducted by pirates Drag me to re-order

231. 231. Get a drink thrown in my face Drag me to re-order

232. 232. Get thrown into the trunk of a car Drag me to re-order

233. 233. Be clausterphobic and get caught in an elevator with fifteen people for three hours Drag me to re-order

234. 234. join a sorority Drag me to re-order

235. 235. Have your house infested with fleas Drag me to re-order

236. 236. ant infestation Drag me to re-order

237. 237. eat a cockroach Drag me to re-order

238. 238. Come into your kitchen at night, flick on the light, and see four cockroaches sitting on your cutting board, and then they glance up and look at you and then start whispering among themselves and you know they're talking about you Drag me to re-order

239. 239. be spoiled Drag me to re-order

240. 240. agoraphobic Drag me to re-order

241. 241. fear of people of want to do everything "without fear" Drag me to re-order

242. 242. jazz music Drag me to re-order

243. 243. be in an experimental rock band. Drag me to re-order

244. 244. read poetry and novels and write a novel which seems full of poetry Drag me to re-order

245. 245. go to a poetry slam Drag me to re-order

246. 246. step in dog poop Drag me to re-order

247. 247. broke a foot Drag me to re-order

248. 248. Eat my foot Drag me to re-order

249. 249. be molded into a giant bowl of jell-o Drag me to re-order

250. 250. Be attacked by a snail Drag me to re-order

251. 251. procrastinating Drag me to re-order

252. 252. when you install it and run it.. it will ask, "Would you like to make FireFox your default browser?" (say yes!) Drag me to re-order

253. 253. Be subjected to the musical "42nd Street" when you hate musicals, but on top of that, have a raging headache due to your 105 degree fever and it seems like you are in the seventh dimension of hell, which includes lots of tap dancing and love songs. Drag me to re-order

254. 254. grow a third nipple Drag me to re-order

255. 255. rub franks hot sauce on my ass Drag me to re-order

256. 256. win a contest drinking hot sauce Drag me to re-order

257. 257. Try Live Octopus with Hot Sauce Drag me to re-order

258. 258. Party in New Orleans on New Years Drag me to re-order

259. 259. live in Coronado Drag me to re-order

260. 260. eat rats Drag me to re-order

261. 261. turn into a bunny Drag me to re-order

262. 262. Get a Red Sox tatoo! Drag me to re-order

263. 263. go to Oakland Raiders games Drag me to re-order

264. 264. yeast infection Drag me to re-order

265. 265. Have a sinus infection Drag me to re-order

266. 266. Consume 100% pure and undiluted aspartame Drag me to re-order

267. 267. be constipated Drag me to re-order

268. 268. Have your crawfish boil you Drag me to re-order

269. 269. Be caught in a riot Drag me to re-order

270. 270. Malaria Drag me to re-order

271. 271. Hand wrestle an anteater Drag me to re-order

272. 272. Engage in a brawl with at least forty Muppets Drag me to re-order

273. 273. Have a campfire spit out an ember which lands right in between two of my toes Drag me to re-order

274. 274. Take the SAT Drag me to re-order

275. 275. take psats Drag me to re-order

276. 276. See Unicorns Drag me to re-order

277. 277. Live next door to someone learning to play the accordion Drag me to re-order

278. 278. date my neighbor Drag me to re-order

279. 279. kick myself in the crotch Drag me to re-order

280. 280. Talk to a doctor about why my testicles are so many colors Drag me to re-order

281. 281. Get gum all tangled up and stuck in my hair Drag me to re-order

282. 282. toothache Drag me to re-order

283. 283. get my cavities filled Drag me to re-order

284. 284. get a root canal Drag me to re-order

285. 285. Have the sewer back up into your house Drag me to re-order

286. 286. blow my nose with a maxi pad Drag me to re-order

287. 287. eat a brussel sprout Drag me to re-order

288. 288. Find out firsthand how they "mechanically separate" chicken parts Drag me to re-order

289. 289. Tour a slaughterhouse Drag me to re-order

290. 290. Have someone steal all of the money from my pension fund Drag me to re-order

291. 291. Lose health insurance Drag me to re-order

292. 292. fuck bob Drag me to re-order

293. 293. say hello to bob Drag me to re-order

294. 294. Have anything to do with anyone named Bob Drag me to re-order

295. 295. poop oranges Drag me to re-order

296. 296. Psychotic exes Drag me to re-order

297. 297. Get my tubes snipped so I never give birth to disabled children like my sister did Drag me to re-order

298. 298. Don’t buy any more pop until I have drank all diet coke at home, and only drink 3 diet cokes a day. Drag me to re-order

299. 299. derail a train with my genitals Drag me to re-order

300. 300. be on the surreal life Drag me to re-order

301. 301. be Paris Hilton's friend Drag me to re-order

302. 302. be Paris Hilton Drag me to re-order

303. 303. be a Hooters Girl Drag me to re-order

304. 304. work at hooters Drag me to re-order

305. 305. Eat dinner at Hooters Drag me to re-order

306. 306. apply at hooters Drag me to re-order

307. 307. Go to a Hooters Restaurant Drag me to re-order

308. 308. live in Walt Disney World Drag me to re-order

309. 309. Go to Disneyland and be trapped by the corpse of Walt Disney and never ever be able to go home Drag me to re-order

310. 310. bare knuckle fight Drag me to re-order

311. 311. Become a Motivational Speaker Drag me to re-order

312. 312. Become a war refugee Drag me to re-order

313. 313. Lose the capacity to do anything in life except for play GO FISH Drag me to re-order

314. 314. have sex on the beach Drag me to re-order

315. 315. eat worms Drag me to re-order

316. 316. eat a mealy worm Drag me to re-order