1,001 things you must not do before your big, fat, willy falls off!!

1. 1. Have your belly shaved by an Irishwoman until you bleed Drag me to re-order

2. 2. Be waved at by discraced, drug addicted former Blue Peter presenter Richard Bacon Drag me to re-order

3. 3. Have an e-mail ignored by former Really Wild Show presenter Howie Watkins Drag me to re-order

4. 4. Shake hands with legendary jazz saxophonist Andy Hamilton whilst dressed as a 1920s dandy Drag me to re-order

5. 5. Wake up naked in an unfamiliar place with no recollection of how you got there Drag me to re-order

6. 6. Receive a dirty look from former Shadow Culture Secretary Julie Kirkbride Drag me to re-order

7. 7. Shout "bumming" in what is officially the quietest place in the United Kingdom Drag me to re-order

8. 8. Drink a Glasgow pub dry of whisky Drag me to re-order

9. 9. Fool a renowned trading card illustrator into creating a giant mural of a creature from a nonexistant folk legend as a wedding present for her brother Drag me to re-order

10. 10. Tell a crowd of six hundred unsuspecting Middle Englanders to turn your "love knob" Drag me to re-order

11. 11. Stumble out of a nightclub and walk the six hour journey home in a pair of Converse All Stars Drag me to re-order

12. 12. Have your stomach burst open while you are trying to urinate into a little cardboard bottle (preferably in Redditch) Drag me to re-order

13. 13. Fool a German medical team into placing a snail in an MRI scanner Drag me to re-order